Wed, Nov. 26th, 2003, 09:15 pm
Message received via snail mail, sewn into the back of one Yak skin rug
Hello faithful sidekick,
Hope everything is going well and they are keeping my Lobby carpet clean.
I am now in Mongolia, and let me tell you, they have some damn tiny horses here. And it’s polite to burp at the end of dinner! It’s great.
Getting here from Moscow was an adventure in and of itself; I was seated in the car just behind the dinning car, lounging in my compartment when suddenly I felt the need to move. Quickly.
As I made my way down the narrow corridor, I heard a crash of broken glass come from behind the door I only just closed. I dove into the nearest open door, and sat with a fairly sour looking old man; a black form passed by the window, apparently thinking I had continued on to the meal car.
Suffice it to say, I got off that train as soon as I could. That first opportunity happened to be in Ulan-Ude
; just a hope skip and a jump from Darhan, Mongolia
, where I needed to be. Okay, it was an almost 200 miles away, but still.
I had to rent the tiniest little Mongolian pony for the journey there, and for whatever reason could not get a second one for my bags. I ended up renting a carrier goat; I didn’t know one could rent a carrier goat, but, there ya go. I’m calling him Genghis
After a long and smelly journey (ponies sweat a lot, despite the cold), I made it to Darhan. Nothing about Mongolia is what I might have expected, but is nice none the less.
Exactly what it is I am doing in this particular city of Darhan, you ask. Well, I had to see about a treasure map. Okay, okay, specifically, I am here for the treasure map that will lead me to my Aztec gold. I am to meet a man for it tomorrow, and from there will go to Ulaanbaatar and be one more step closer to my goal.
Talk to you later, faithful sidekick. I’ll keep you informed.
~The Lobby GuyUpon removing the letter from the Yak skin rug, the stinky thing disintegrated to dust. It is now a pile of very stinky dust on my computer room floor. I am sad. I mean, shit, I managed to break a rug….
Thu, Nov. 20th, 2003, 12:25 am
Hello fans of The Lobby Guy,
I figured it would be a good time to make some clarifications, you know, before the next installment of the Lobby Guy’s travels arrives on my doorstep. To be plain, in this journal will be the “continued adventures of The Lobby Guy”; random entries talking about the journeys taken by our hero, around the world and in search of treasure. Whilst he is away, we can keep the spirit of him in the lobby by reading the messages he sends back home. Though the accounts may or may not be a bit… exaggerated, they will be entertaining.
Thus I, Utillaboy, the Lobby Guy's faithful sidekick (that is, his friend) will with this journal make it possible for you, his other friends, to kind’a keep in touch while he is off.
Tue, Nov. 18th, 2003, 07:22 pm
Copied direct from email correspondence:
Hooray, my first letter home. Somehow I managed to find a convenient internet kiosk in the train station at the center of Moscow, Russia. I, after battling a few cyber vampires, was able to connect to the real internet, not the former Soviet intranet. Ah, Soviet Intranet, where it doesn’t just say “Welcome! You’ve got mail!”, it says “Welcome Comrade! Remember, you love the State!” So I am able to send an email to my faithful sidekick, utillaboy
It was damn near impossible to get here. It took three airplanes (one of which didn’t have seats, only goat cages), two trains, and a taxi that seemed like it would explode every time it went over a bump; and believe me, Moscow has lots of bumpy roads.
Now, you’re probably wondering why the hell I have found my way to Moscow, and not the Lobby. Well, I have decided to go in search of Inca gold. Bizarre it seems. But hey, everyone needs a little adventure now and then. Since I got the DVD boxed set of the Indiana Jones movies, I just got the urge to go explore the world.
So I did some research, and found some missing antiquities that were listed on a website. Unfortunately, it is permanently down now, as the NSA repressed it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
. Okay, they took it down because of the porn, but… yeah… Anyway, I printed out a list of things to find, I packed my bags, and off I went.
But yes. Inca gold. Dug up in the jungles of the America’s, and supposedly shipped back to Spain by Cortez. Ah, but it never made it to the port of Cariagena; some believe that on its way it was attacked by Pirates from the island of Tobago! They commandeered the ship, and redirected it to the Mongol Empire.
So, next stop, Outer Mongolia; where the yaks are large, and smelly. Anyone want a yak skin rug? I’ll attempt to see what I can do about shipping a few back home, to be handed out in the lobby. Oh, my train boarding just got called. And I’m off!
-The Lobby Guy
PS. Pop quiz! What is the currency unit of Russia? Bonus points for whoever gets it right first. And that is all for now.
Mon, Nov. 17th, 2003, 11:17 pm
I, my friends, am Utillaboy. You may have seen me in the Lobby this very night. With an aging Macintosh computer at my side. Good ole' Bettie. Pink though she is, she has served me faithfully since ... well.... she crashes every so often. Like every few hours. But hey. She works.
I, as faithful sidekick, will be telling the tale of thelobbyguy
's adventures. Weather they come to me on a roll of toilet paper written in sharpie, singing telegram, carrier pidgeon, trainded talking Amazonian parrot, Lemur with a back pack, semafore, or ordinary old email, rare those they might be, you will get a complete play by play as can be pulled from the shitheap that is my inbox. Damn those lemurs. With this, I bid you farewell, until I receive word.Signed, your lord and master, Foamy.
Wait. no. that's not right. that's somethign else. uhhh...... I should stop now before I break something.